10/24/1999

Dream: La Visite

-Christie and Lawrence and I have to find our way out of the school, which is a labyrinth. We’re being chased by “bad guys” and we all get separated
-I find my way out through a science lab window, and as I leave the school I meet up with Christie, whom I’m very glad and relieved to see. She hugs me and points me in Lawrence’s direction
-when I meet up with him, he asks if I want to come home with him and stay over. His house looks more like Aunt Bay’s
-we must be tired, because we both collapse onto the couch and watch TV. I hold on to his arm and then fall into a light sleep as he holds me
-I awaken when my family shows up at the door. Leslie told mum where I was and they all came over. Victoria and mum get along grandly
-Leslie and I go to the basement for green Jell-O, and we’re amazed that mum and Victoria can hear everything we say, no matter how softly we speak. Leslie asks where she can get a father like Lawrence, and I tell her, “You can have him.”
-Victoria responds in kind
-we make our way back to the couch and Lawrence gets up from a nap. There’s something about his groggy state that scares me and reminds me of my father
-Lawrence comes to lie down so I can hold him, and I’m terribly frightened that he’s going to smell like alcohol, but he doesn’t. He is pure. He goes back to sleep in my arms

10/18/1999

Dream

Chester beats up dad.

You know, I always figured I would make a better mistress than a wife, but I’m not sure that’s true anymore; I always seem to want to do wife-ish things: take a walk, take a nap, talk, hug…

In fact, I would be a perfectly horrible mistress. I’m less intimidating that way, though.

Today felt like one of those very mundane dreams I don’t even bother writing down. I’m almost afraid to say this, in case I end up contradicting myself, but I am increasingly assured that this relationship is indeed intended to be platonic. “Platonic” just feels right.

I Love his warmth, though. I want to sleep with him. Not have sex, just sleep. Just feel his arms around me, feel the warmth of his body next to mine, feel him kiss the nape of my neck, because I know he would, and tenderly, too. I think the tenderness could very well be the key.

What can this be called?

How odd this relationship must appear to anyone on the outside. I never forget that he has a wife and children and familial responsibilities… but where do I come in? What happens when I want more?

I always want more, and always receive it, eventually. He did say, again, that there isn’t anything I could ask of him that he wouldn’t do. What exactly does that mean? How far does it extend?

Does it include taking naps?

Giselle

10/16/1999

Dream: Finding the Proper Place

-Chester is at my school! He is given a room; perhaps he is teaching here for the day. I hope to meet up with him at some point
-I am in English class, which is interrupted when another teacher wishes to speak with Lawrence
-I am now in my bedroom, which is part of the school, and mum delivers to me an aesthetically pleasing stack of papers from Chester, which are intended to be used as stationary
-Lawrence is washing the floor with great care. This is more important to him than teaching a class, which makes my mother angry, and she tells him so. Leslie feels the same way, and it breaks my heart when she gives him a piece of her mind as well
-I tell him that I don’t agree with my mother and my sister
-I have trouble finding the proper place to be, and I keep moving around until I am seated near Lawrence, in the right place

10/15/1999

Truth will haunt you until the day you die, at which point it will embody you.

So… why keep fighting against yourself?

Giselle

10/03/1999

Dream: Home Invasion

-Leslie went into the house of some soccer friend, and I followed her. The owners were not home, but I realized that the house was on Chester’s street
-I opened the front door and caught sight of Chester’s house just as he, his wife, and daughter, were walking out. We waved at each other and I heard Leslie scream from inside
-something was wrong, and I called Chester over; he motioned that he would be there in a second, not seeming to realise the severity of the situation
-there was an intruder with a knife in the house and I discovered this just as Chester was arriving
-I took charge, but no one was paying much attention to me, so I called 911 and explained the situation very calmly
-the operator didn’t seem to care. Chester remained around the house, but he seemed unconcerned as well. He seemed to want to let me deal with the situation before he would become involved
-the emergency task force consisted of a little Chinese girl and her younger brother. She seemed convinced that the suspect should be spoken to in Chinese, though he didn’t understand the language

10/02/1999

Chester was a soccer dad. His daughter played on Leslie’s team.

Whenever I went to Leslie’s games, I would chat with Chester. He seemed to take very little interest in the other parents, who were immature and gossipy. Sad that a 15-year-old girl could provide more intelligent conversation than so many adults in their forties, but such was the case.

I always enjoyed Chester’s company, but I didn’t let him get too close at first—trust issues, you know. We discussed books and movies, musicals, theatre. He and his family travelled a lot. They’d seen Starlight Express in London’s West End, and more than once.

As time went by, I noticed that Chester was a man. How did I treat men? Not very well. (Now, that’s an understatement!) When I put on my evil-seductress disguise for him, his reaction blew me away. He didn’t fall for it, not for a moment. The sense I got from him was more of an amused, “Dear child, what are you playing at?”

I felt sort of silly after that, and realised how much wiser Chester was than I. He didn’t allow my awkward insecurity to affect him. He rose above all that. Inspirational!

By the way, Chester is an intelligent, physically-fit, middle-aged man. He’s also a high school English teacher. So perhaps I shouldn’t have been so surprised that, after meeting Lawrence, Leslie said to me, “He looks just like Chester.”

My reaction? “Don’t say that…”

Giselle

10/01/1999

Dream: UTOPIA

-Leslie and I are out in the backyard
-I am delighted to find out that Chester lives in the house behind us. He and his daughter are in the backyard and he eagerly jumps over the fence when he sees me
-I greet him by giving him a hug, getting as close as I possibly can
-to my surprise, he takes control, lays me down on the ground, and kisses me very tenderly on the lips
-my initial reaction is to get away from Leslie and Chester’s daughter, but Chester doesn’t seem to have anything to hide from the girls
-we go inside the house and he makes it very clear that he wants me
-Great! This is perfect! I get exactly who and what I want and I don’t have to do any work for it!
-I lead him upstairs and my mother is there. She seems absolutely ecstatic for me and feeds me half a twenty dollar bill as birth control