08/17/1999

Dream: Cards and Letters

-I am at Home Hardware buying packages of cards. I was going to get 3, but decided on 2
-back at home, I decided to watch T.V. in the family room, because dad was watching T.V. in my room. I didn’t mind at all because I was so happy to finally have a real father again
-when I later go to my room to watch Star Trek, I notice dad has cleaned a bit. There were letters he’d sent in various place, including on the floor
-I notice he’s arranged papers on my desk, some of which are rough drafts of letters to Lawrence
-I wonder if my dad will mind that I’ve found another father


Lots of reading to do. I was amazed, today, by how strongly I felt Lawrence’s presence at the library. I felt almost as though he were watching over me, peeking over my shoulder as I opened each new tome.

I Love, I Love, I Love, I Love… I laugh.

I couldn’t stop smiling, although why would I want to? It’s O.K. to appear somewhat insane every once in a while—and even when I left the library, the books under my arm encouraged me to smile some more.

I realized today that labelling her husband as my Platonic Love is a great insult to Victoria. Well, perhaps not to her individually, but certainly a great insult to their relationship. I really shouldn’t go around parading as some expert in the teachings of Plato.

I blame Gillian Anderson.

I wish I could find myself a copy of the Upanishads. Even a copy of the Ramayana would make me very happy right now. Any Hindu holy document. Anything!

Why is it that the Religion shelf at the bookstore is filled with every conceivable copy of the Bible, but not even one Baghavad Gita?

I am becoming convinced that my previous life was lived in India.

I have, since I was a child, felt that I was supposed to have been born earlier, but there was something I had to take care of in the world beyond before returning to Earth. The number 56 resonates strongly with me. Perhaps I was stillborn in 1956. I feel that I did not take even a single breath in that incarnation.

Is this intuition, or am I simply making up stories to tell myself? Will I ever know for certain?

Today, I am a manifestation of peace, for I stand in the Grace of God.

Giselle