09/04/1999

Dream: Scary

-lots of passersby coming through the backyard
-mum, Jane and I and someone else are there when a teenaged boy comes by with a gun and shoots at us all, says something about 2117
-boy comes to look at me to see if I am dead and I stupidly squirm
-I take the gun out of his hands and shoot him, but it doesn’t help. I go inside the house and lock the back door, shut the blinds, then go to the front door but that door won’t lock
-finally get it just as my brother (?) is trying to get inside. He is now the murderer

Breathe.

All day, just breathe.

I don’t know where to go from here. Can I simply pretend, as my mother does, that all is well with the world? It’s quite a bit easier to pretend that I said the things I did merely to hurt her, but what happens the next time the opportunity arises for me to stay with Lawrence and his family? “Oh, by the way, I meant what I said”?

My plan to marry Kennedy is all that can save me now! Mum wants me to find a boy my own age?

Fine!

Giselle