09/05/1999

Dream: Cagney and Lacey

-this scene starts out with Cagney and Lacey from the TV show and a husband/boyfriend dressed in women’s clothes for an investigation
-we come to a very large pool area with whales in it
-Cagney and Lacey question the suspect
-I slip into the pool and one whale starts calling out her trainer’s name to get me out
-the trainer is not mad, but I scramble out quickly because I don’t belong there.

I absolutely Love Cagney and Lacey. I really identify with Christine, for obvious reasons. She was far more devoted to her father… but look where that got her: AA.

I often wonder if I am missing out on an essential portion of my journey, but how can escapism be so essential?

Is it worth becoming an alcoholic simply to experience recovery, or am I right to be the wise Giselle and stay sober for the rest of my life?

I don’t think it’s worth taking the chance that my life could be ruined by a single drink, but could that simply be my ego’s need for control?

I am Christine Cagney… or I could have become her… or she is one of my many potentialities. She went off to art school in France in the days of her youth.

Mary-beth Lacey, I am also starting to identify with, though. I now understand her compulsion to clean whenever she has something on her mind. I find that scrubbing the bathtub can be as effective an emotional outlet as playing sports. Cleaning can be a great release, and it makes symbolic sense to clean a bathroom when one is seeking some sort of release.

Thanks, Cagney and Lacey!

Giselle