10/18/1999

Dream

Chester beats up dad.

You know, I always figured I would make a better mistress than a wife, but I’m not sure that’s true anymore; I always seem to want to do wife-ish things: take a walk, take a nap, talk, hug…

In fact, I would be a perfectly horrible mistress. I’m less intimidating that way, though.

Today felt like one of those very mundane dreams I don’t even bother writing down. I’m almost afraid to say this, in case I end up contradicting myself, but I am increasingly assured that this relationship is indeed intended to be platonic. “Platonic” just feels right.

I Love his warmth, though. I want to sleep with him. Not have sex, just sleep. Just feel his arms around me, feel the warmth of his body next to mine, feel him kiss the nape of my neck, because I know he would, and tenderly, too. I think the tenderness could very well be the key.

What can this be called?

How odd this relationship must appear to anyone on the outside. I never forget that he has a wife and children and familial responsibilities… but where do I come in? What happens when I want more?

I always want more, and always receive it, eventually. He did say, again, that there isn’t anything I could ask of him that he wouldn’t do. What exactly does that mean? How far does it extend?

Does it include taking naps?

Giselle